July 21, 2012 in Health
I don’t talk about it often but I was a very unhappy teenager and treated my body very badly. I felt trapped. I was someone I didn’t want to be, over thinking and becoming overwhelmed by my own drama. I had an eating disorder for a long time and have a few scars both internally and externally from a lot of self hate. It was a difficult time for me, my family and my friends and I am so grateful to everyone that helped me come out the other side healthy, optimistic and ambitious.
In a recent yoga class I started to tear up during meditation. I was focusing on my breath and how good my body felt when my brain was switched off. Then a few thoughts started to trickle in (as they do). “You deserve to feel great. You deserve to have a body that feels amazing. Let yourself have this.”
I have managed to turn my life around a lot. I don’t have those conscious self-hating thoughts very often anymore, but I didn’t realise that they were still controlling me subconsciously. Every time I decide not to attend a yoga class because it’s “too expensive” or force myself to work when I really need to rest or sleep – this is me denying myself health and vitality because I dislike who I am.
Deep huh? I promise I won’t get too emotional here, but I want you to use this week to become really aware of what you deny yourself and why. I’m not talking about a huge slab of cake here (because if we’re honest with ourselves our emotions are driving that need, our bodies would really rather do without), I’m talking about things that will help you grow, develop and promote happiness.
We tell ourselves regularly that we can’t afford to go to the dentist/masseuse/doctor when really it’s not about money. We happily go out with friends for dinner and drinks and drop $50, but when it comes to our health or our personal development, we struggle to release the purse-strings. Subconsciously you are telling yourself that the money isn’t worth it (that you’re not worth it), but your health and happiness should the most important thing in your life. If you’re not feeling 100% or feeling low – allow yourself to spend time and/or money fixing it. Don’t cancel your gym membership because you “can’t afford it”, cancel it because your body doesn’t respond well to the machines and would prefer to go to a dance class.
We tend to spend so much of our time and energy trying to impress or please other people to help us fit in – so why not use some of that time to focus on ourselves? I know that I would usually rather burn myself out pleasing other people than let them down by taking a break to look after myself. When you start to accept and love yourself, you gradually become less caught up in other people’s perceptions of you (and boy does that feel good). Don’t buy tickets to a concert because all your friends are going, buy tickets because you love the music and it makes you feel wonderful when you listen to it.
You are the best investment of all. You should be spending your money on experiences and things that strengthen your health, your mind or strengthen your self-esteem, confidence and drive. Stop spending money on things you think you should buy and start spending money on what you really need. Because you are worth every second, every cent and every drop of energy.
Do you realise that you don’t invest in yourself for any reason?
What was the last thing you did for your health or happiness?